7th march

Ill in bed with flu - can you tell Im a trifle needy !

Mummy tea, mummy soup, mummy hugs

My gift for being ill.

 

You do it all so well,
Putrid pauses in-between sighs
Worried glances over your shoulder
Is the doctor here yet to take over
Your dutiful care now done

 

Palms caress my brow
Whilst fingers recoil at my disease
Your lips kiss my eyelids to sleep
But you hold your breath
"We wouldn't want the germs to spread"
What if I vomit all over this bed mummy dear

What then

 I learn ways of getting you to care

Mummy tea, mummy soup, mummy hugs.
I  preferred nanny pasties actually.

4th March

How I love a circle of women
painting,
creating,
inspiring,
reciting,
smiling,
hugging,
laughing
not shouting or bitching or scratching and reacting with vileness and conniving
but crying
and holding
and loving
and healing

How I love a circle of women.

3rd March

3rd March

Evident that I am resisting being who I think I have become !

I wanna be a baddie

and do some evil deeds
I'd ride into your quiet town
And satisfy my needs

 

My horse a great big stallion

A panting, sweating beast
My legs would clench around his back
As we thrust our journey east

 

Just look into my eyes now

And fix upon my glare
Don't bother with your tears and fears
I really honestly don't care

 

I'm fed up being nice now

I think it would be more fun
To scare you into reacting
Look I've got a gun

It sits upon my hips

And dangles down my thigh
And when I see you coming
I raise it up real high

 

You thought I was the goodie

You so needed it to be true
But really I'm the baddie
And now I'm killing you

2nd March
Away at a workshop weekend and grieving.

Springs breath sneaks  in under the door I have shut

Bringing scents I have chosen to forget

Pollen caught in turmoil now alights upon this barren soil

And scratches for a place to rest

Tears collect in the dried out rivers of my face

As I recall what was

What cannot ever be again

Memory - you cruel actress

Testing my resilient grief

 

And alongside the audience in a dimly lit theatre

I strain to see the play

And smile in the appropriate places

And laugh and judge

Knowing all along this is my folly

A tower built for no purpose

A dream with no intent
A story with no transition
Damn you spring for remembering me
When all I recall is winter

 

1st March

Slight delay on the whole daily poetry front. I could tell myself off for slackness but Im just going to go with it.

If all you do is wish for perfection

You will never taste it's fruit
That tree will never blossom
That stream will dry and crack long before the rainy season

 

If all you dream of is then

You will constantly be waiting
Forever willing onwards time
Standing still in a queue of other watchers and piners

 

If all you plant is what if's

Nothing will grow

 

If you opened your eyes right now

If you tasted your life this minute
If you felt your lovers breath upon your skin and drank it in this very second
With respect and grief and honour let go of the fantasia that may never be
And look down at your hands

 

What were you holding all along.

25th February

Feeling loss today, of many things. Sitting in the sadness of what gets lost in the splurge of feelings that often come up. Hence todays poem


I told you already.
Twice.
Once when I was frightened,
then when I was sad.
and you couldn't hear me because I was crazy with feeling.

I'm tell you now.
LOUDLY.
This time I'm so totally in control,
using profound language.
but you cant hear me because I'm talking crazy

So I will SHUT THE FUCK UP
and you will never know how much I miss you.

24th February............................ A little after lunch time.
 
I have been inspired by a dear friend to try to write a poem a day. A way to wander through my life and create a relationship with my unconscious mind at the same time....
Wonderful notion !!! cant imagine the work.
 
So - Its a little scary sharing my inner world with you - will you critisise it, understand it - read something you dont want to ?
 
I guess its worth the risk...............................
 
Heres a few already written this year to get you into my shadows.


January 10th 2014.

Careful

They might be talking about us.

Clipped scentences dabbed with eroticism and exciting charm

They say I'm a whore and you're my Jesus

And maybe they are right

You certainly wear the nails well

And I enjoy the fucking

My cheeks will turn pink

And my blood will boil
When those gossiping ounces of self-proclaimed perfection decide upon your inevitable escape route
from this whore
 

Be careful witches,

It will be you on bended knees washing feet soon.

________________________________________________________________________________

January 16th

We begin thinking you can pick me up

We begin thinking you will make it all blow away

We begin thinking you will fix all the wrongs

We begin putting you up there

 But one day you fell

                                                                                And now we look into each others eyes

                                                                                And now we fall and fly holding on tight

                                                                                And now we walk into the dark together

                                                                                And we will find the light

 

________________________________________________________________________________

 

January 20th

The call.

I got a call today

It isn't one I can let go of

It has wrapped itself around my heart

and is choking my reality

 

The noose tightens

My screams are restrained

It doesnt do to be so loud in hospital

But inside........but inside...........

 

Oh but deep inside there is only my barbaric burning nomadic wailing.

 

________________________________________________________________________________

 

January 23rd

 

What if entwined in rapunzels hair

Was lengths of barbed wire

Fused from the internal bitterness

Of rage unmet and unheard

What if the prince could not bear the

Scars upon his hands

The forfeit for his desire

What if the enchantress,

with skin smooth

Sat and called to the prince

and with hands that were snakes sat and waited to devour As he

nursing his bleeding hands

Slowly forgot her in her tower

 

And what of rapunzel,

what if she couldn't stop her call

How many others would attempt the climb and disappoint

Another meal for the vipress

 

And what if I was rapunzel

And you forgot my tower.

_______________________________________________________________________________

 

February 1st (obviously feeling a little play ful :)

 

Now children do you remember young Pinocchio

And what happened to him when he lied

Well now hear a tale of thief Peter hood

And what happened in court as he was tried

 He was accused of the theft of a necklace

 And a brilliant - untracked diamond ring

 He had been caught whilst trying to pawn them

Amongst all sorts of other people's things

Now Peter hood wasn't that clever

But the lies he could tell were just great

 So when accused of the robbery at 10 downing street

He said "it was just for my mate......

 

"You see, he's been terribly sad recently

 'E lost his job at the farm

And I was gonna give him the cash"

And then Peter hood smiled with such charm

But up in the jury sat merlin

And with a swish and a swash set a spell

That however big Peters lies were

His tummy would bulge and swell

And goodness children poor Peter

Just couldn't work out what was the score

As he told his great fabricated stories

His buttons pinged and trousers fell to the floor

So children be ever mindful

Not to lie,  never stoop so low

For you never know what unsightly bit of you

Might start to stretch and grow

_________________________________________________________________________________

 

February 2nd - Still feeling playful

When I was a kid,

not much older than you,

I lived on this really great street

There were so many wonderful people Some of whom I'd like you to meet

 

There was Stephen or "rusty the red head"

(He was my very best chum)

Then there was baldy, spotty and lanky

But best of all was "Rella" or as we called her "mum"

 

You see Rella was one of those people

Who took everyone into her heart

If you had run out of any little thing

Rella's would be a good place to start

 

And on every single neighbours birthday

Rella would be the first guest

She'd bring toys or jewellery or flowers And her cakes were simply the best

 

As time went on in our little street

Rellas generosity kept growing

Feelings went from delight to envy

And nasty rumours started flowing

 

Where did she get all the money

(For she always had enough)

She didn't have a job or a spouse

She must have stolen all this stuff

 

People started ignoring Poor Rella

Her gifts lay unopened on the floor

And if you ran out of sugar

You mustn't knock on Rellas door

 

So me and rusty went investigating

As detectives we opened her file

And asked Rella where she got all the things And to this day her response makes me smile

 

"Young boy, never be wasteful

Take care what you throw away

My shopping trips are but free ones

Cos they occur every single bin day"

 

My gifts were the bits that you wasted

The flowers were grown on my lot

And as for the cakes that you loved

Well much can be scraped from a pot

 

And as we looked back at our street

Rusty - my best chum and me

The thought of those gossips eating recycled cake Filled us with plenty of glee

___________________________________________________________________________________

 

24th February (Huge gap - been so tired, no energy to breathe yet alone write)

I wake up

I eat

I say hello and often smile

I work

I play

I take in air and water and allow it by some magic to filter through my system

All this I know.

But how do I be

How do I stop blocking the path that might lead me home

How do I hold my own hand

How do I claw my way out of the pits I made for myself

How do I acknowledge without judgement the fuck ups

How do I look in the mirror and be ok with who I find.